First, the Dustin Diamond sex tape rocked everyone's innocent, Screech-like world. Now, the man responsible for publicizing such sordid behavior is back - and he's got nude Marica Cross photos to show off. Of course, he also claims he has a life, but it's based on such information as the red-haired actress' "carpet does match the curtains. While this would mean Lindsay Lohan has competition for the Firecrotch team captain, it also means Schmidt is a complete loser.

Desperate Housewives star Marcia Cross is demanding the return of some revealing photos that she says have fallen into unscrupulous hands. Those hands belong to David Hans Schmidt, the purveyor of the Dustin "Screech" Diamond sex tape and the man who bought the contents of a storage locker rented by Paris Hilton after the heiress failed to make her payments. The photos of Cross number about An employee of a company hired to haul garbage from Cross's home apparently discovered them after taking the debris to a Los Angeles city dump. Lawyers for the actress and her husband, Tom Mahoney, are demanding their return, arguing that no matter where the pictures were found, they're the couple's property, and protected by copyright laws to boot.

Cross was diagnosed in after her annual gynecological exam. There is a lot of shame about it. After her diagnosis, Cross was treated with radiation and chemotherapy. She spoke frankly about the awkwardness of rectal exams and how she tried to find the humor in the situation.